Snowboard Fails in New Zealand

“Is she dead?!” the young child asks while effortlessly gliding past me. He couldn’t have been more than six years old and was seriously gaining speed on the ice.

I’m lying on my back, head angled towards the bottom of the slope. I’m buggered and can’t muster the strength or courage to pull myself up. I lie there in total embarrassment. After a few moments of self-reflection and time to gain my breath I acknowledge winter sports aren’t for me, unclip the board from my feet and shamefully walk the few metres to flat ground.

Its day three of my week long school ski trip in the South Island of New Zealand and I’ve tumbled for the hundredth time. By now my classmates are tackling mountains while I’m still on the beginner slope.

I knew this trip would be physical but, didn’t realise how utterly shocking one could be at snowboarding. I’ve never failed so spectacularly before! Let me tell you, out of the 40+ kids on that trip I was definitely the worst. I’m blaming the multiple layers of warmth, fiddly gloves, pointless goggles, ridiculous boots and heavy snowboard. Many kindly suggested I swap the board for skis to which I replied, “I can’t manage one board how could I possibly coordinate two skis and two poles?”.

After a pep talk, decent NZ meal and goodnights rest I’d been convinced to give the mountain a crack. I figured I should do it at least once on the trip. Please keep in mind I’d never been on a ski lift before much less manoeuvre myself down an actual mountain. I should have known better but was determined to put the previous fails behind me.

As I lined up for the lift my stomach sank. I don’t like heights at the best of times, much less when I have to ski at the end. For those unfamiliar with ski lifts you have your snowboard clipped to one foot. As you exit the lift you’re supposed to glide off and clip the other foot on. I was being coached on how to perfect this technique the whole time on the lift. Surprisingly I failed to “glide” and instead fell over my board and face first into the snow. The worst part is that the lift never stops so I had to stay down to avoid being run over by the chair. To make the whole event even better I ran over a small child and it was all caught on camera. I don’t know where that GoPro footage ended up, thank god.

But, after both of these failures (and there were plenty more) I still had a wonderful time in New Zealand. I hope this is a story of strength and not weakness. I might not have nailed snowboarding but still had the best time giving it a crack.

Ash x

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