Sand, Sacraments and Sanctity

Before completing "Feature Writing" I was asked to write a magazine feature about something that motivated me, a topic that I was passionate about. I kind of stumbled along the idea of religion and this story evolved from there. I am so grateful to Ash for letting me delve into her life and ask her about the impact religion has had on her relationship with Riley. I really hope I did their story justice. I would also like to thank Francine, Richard and Sandy for being so accessible and willingly answering my questions. As a student journalist it is so pleasing when people are happy to talk to you and just want to help. Enjoy.

There’s sand between her toes and sunlight on her face. The air is salty. You can almost taste it. She’s in her favourite place in the whole world, Noosa National Park. It’s picturesque, something from a postcard.

She stands beside the love of her life, sharing Noosa’s beauty with him as she’s done for the last five years. But as he bends down on one knee and pops the big question, Ashlee Pointing bursts into tears.

This couple has been through a lot and is influenced by something greater. These beliefs have impacted their relationship and how they have been brought up. They are both Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Riley Hathaway, now Ash’s fiancée, had already asked her Dad, Scott, and bought the 18ct white gold engagement ring in anticipation. The half carat diamond is simple and stunning, classy just like Ash. It sparkles in the light, radiating a spectrum of colours. Their moment was perfect.

The two have known each other since they were teenagers. After meeting Riley at her Aunty Joy and Uncle Bruce’s 25th wedding anniversary in April 2010, sparks flew and it quickly turned into young love.

At first she was attracted to his sense of humour, a trait she believes her late grandmother, Elizabeth would of loved. In fact Elizabeth was the first in her family to discover what it meant to lead her life as a Jehovah’s Witness.

“Dad was really little and she [Elizabeth] was struggling at the time.

“She was in the worst state and then they came to her door.

“She studied for ages and completely believed in it and she was so passionate about it,” said Ash.

After discovering this religion Elizabeth was baptised, bringing her children up in what is known as ‘the truth’.

At 21 Ash lives with her family in Beerwah on the Sunshine Coast while Riley, 20, is in Ipswich. Their whole relationship has been long distance.

“It was really, really hard.

“We wouldn’t see each other for two or three months at a time,” Ash said.

It’s their religion that has kept them apart. It plays a significant role in their relationship purely because of the stipulations around dating. Although they are both of the same religion and of similar ages they kept their relationship a secret, hiding it from their families for a couple of years.

“We weren’t really allowed to date at the start because we were so young.

“In our religion dating, or courting, is to have a view of marriage.”

In the eyes of Jehovah you must marry within the Lord, someone of the same faith, however you can get married wherever you deem appropriate.

Over their five years together it was the shores of Noosa that saw their relationship blossom. It’s the one place they can see themselves getting married, tying themselves to one another for the rest of their lives.

Many however, opt to have their ceremony in the Kingdom Hall, a house of worship used by Jehovah’s Witnesses for their religious services. It’s the place of Church although it’s not called that and there are no religious emblems or fixtures on the walls.

It’s very different from the Catholic Church, for example. Catholic Churches have a very strong religious presence in their buildings and have a stronger stance on what it means to get married in the eyes of the Church.

Whilst Jehovah’s Witnesses believe God intended marriage to be a permanent, intimate bond between a man and a woman, a marriage in the Catholic Church goes beyond this.

Co-author of Smart Loving, a series of resources aimed at supporting Catholic couples in their life commitment, Fancine Pirola has a strong understanding of life as a Catholic and what it means to be married within the Church.

“If you think about what marriage means to the general community these days, by that I mean the whole Australian community … there are a whole lot of views about what marriage is about.”

“The Catholic view is very clear that marriage is a permanent life commitment between one man and one women with an openness to life, it’s freely entered in to,” said Francine.

Interestingly, and unlike Jehovah’s Witnesses, there are stipulations around where a Catholic wedding can be held. It is stated in the canon law, a set of laws and legal principles enforced by the hierarchical authorities of the Church.

“A Catholic wedding would take place is a consecrated [representing the body and blood of Christ] Catholic Church with a Catholic celebrant present which would either be a priest or a deacon,” said Francine.

She admits that this can sound quite harsh but the reason behind it is because marriage although deeply personal is not private.

“It’s a public commitment to take on a public role.

“The church recognises marriage as one of the vocational sacraments.”

Sacraments were instituted by Christ and entrusted to the Church to be celebrated in faith within and for the community of believers. In a sacramental marriage, God’s love becomes present to the spouses in their total union and also flows through them to their family and community.

There are few exceptions to getting married in a consecrated Church such as the botanical gardens because it had some sort of specific relevance to the couple. For this to happen a priest would have to be willing to do it and the couple would have to apply for a dispensation.

Essentially, baptised Catholics are to be married in the Church regardless of whether they are practicing or not. Jehovah’s Witnesses on the other hand can get married anywhere.

However, there is a large majority of Australians that consider themselves non-religious. In the 2011 Census almost five million (22 per cent) Australians chose the option for ‘no religion’ on their forms. Christianity was the only faith that claimed a stronger percentage at 25 per cent.

Richard James is Wedding Minister at the St Thomas’ Anglican Church in North Sydney and specialises in weddings for couples without a religious denomination.

“We would get lots of calls from couples who didn’t go to our Church, or any Church and wanted to get married.

“It got to the point where we just had to say ‘sorry we don’t have enough time’,” said Richard.

He decided to ask his boss about taking up a full-time position as a Wedding Minister and having been granted the role conducts on average 65 weddings a year.

He has been an Anglican Minister for 28 years, conducting weddings throughout that whole time.

“I’m also an evangelist, that is I love to talk to people about Jesus and help them believe.

“I actually think couples want to get married in Churches for good reasons, not just because it’s a beautiful place.

“So, I thought I love talking to people that don’t really know much Jesus at all or think much about God or would love God’s blessing but are not quite sure how that works,” Richard said.

His goal was not weddings per se but to combine his love of helping people understand God and give them a great wedding in his Church.

Richard didn’t want to use his position to influence couples to come to his Church but rather to learn more about it.

“I encourage couples to know what it is to have a relationship with Jesus as a friend and God as their father … a relationship that involves love.”

Richard, along with priests, congregation elders and celebrants is one of many who have the privilege to marry couples.

Civil Marriage Celebrant, Sandy Henderson has been in the industry for 10 years, becoming interested in the field after being a guest at a wedding officiated by a Marriage Celebrant.

“There are so many parts of a ceremony that are beautiful.

“From the moment the groom arrives and is nervous as hell, to when I meet the bride at the car and see how radiant she is, to when the groom first sees his bride … walking down the aisle.

“And they are all relying on me to bring everything together,” Sandy said.

Upon asking whether religion plays a significant role in her job she answered: “yes, at times it did”.

“There is a local Catholic priest in town and quite often he would stand beside me as I married a divorced couple.

“The couple still had their beliefs, but being divorced, they are not allowed to marry again in a Catholic Church.

“The priest would attend to say a welcome and a prayer,” she said.

A celebrant from the Jehovah’s Witnesses corrugation of elders will inevitably marry Ash and Riley as they commit to a permanent, intimate bond.

Ash will be bare foot with her feet covered in sand, her dress white and her face glowing. Riley will probably be nervous, shaking as he was before the proposal. They will stand together, before their close friends and families at the bohemian country meets coast wedding ceremony. There will be a religious element but it will be true to them.

#ashleighdwan #beyondthestory #journalism #marriage #religion